Stephen McCauley - official web site
Author Updates

Sean Michael #16

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I'm really beginning to think that I misjudged "Dave" my (more or less) boyfriend. I'm beginning to realize how self-centered and selfish he is, something I never noticed before.

Here's what happened:

Steve is going to Paris later this month to do promotion for the release of his book in French, and also for a launch party for a movie they're going to start filming based on one of his books. I had been hinting for weeks that I wanted to go with him. I have only been to Europe once before, and to be honest, I found Toronto kind of disappointing. But even so, Paris is someplace I have always wanted to see. Anyway, Steve was hesitating.

Then a couple days ago, I somehow or other mentioned that he had left an e-mail account open on his computer and that I had by mistake read dozens and dozens of emails sent to this one account of his and also ones he had sent out. So he said, Okay that I could go. I was so excited! Then I mentioned some of the other things I'd found on his computer, and all of a sudden he agreed to pay for my ticket.

Honestly, I never thought anything good or interesting would come of this job, but I was wrong. And I am truly overwhelmed by his generosity. Since we will meet the director, I'm almost positive I will somehow or other get a role. I'm just hoping it's a real movie and not one that's in French. Because at this point in my career, I only want good roles.

I was telling "Dave" this incredible and awesome news, and all he wanted to talk about was this crisis he's having about "coming out" to his wife and having a separation and how his wife "suspects something." To be honest, I couldn't even follow it because he was crying and all choked up.

I said: "'Dave!' Haven't you even been listening to what I just told you."

He said: "I did, and I'm happy for you."

But the thing is, he really didn't sound it. And not only that, but he started talking about his own problems again instead of doing what any real boyfriend would have done, which is to take me out to celebrate. I really hate when people can only think about themselves and their own misery. I'm pretty sure that when I get back from Paris, I'm going to have to make a change in the relationship with "Dave." If he does "come out" and leave his wife, I don't think it would be good for my career to be living with an openly gay man right at the moment my film acting starts to take off.

But I really don't want to be selfish myself, so I didn't mention any of this to him. He was very emotional, and besides, the September rent is due on my apartment.

Posted by Stephen @ 11:34 PM EST

Return to main archive listing