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Sean Michael #15

Friday, August 27, 2010

Sean Michael #15

Look, I'm really sorry to all the people who wrote saying they found my comments "offensive" in the last post. #1--I never said I wanted older people like Steve to be unhappy. I just said that acting all happy is not ATTRACTIVE past a certain point. Get over it. #2--I'm in the middle of a crisis, so really, I don't have time to get into arguments.

Before I get to the important stuff, here are links to two things that were printed about Steve.

One is an interview:

http://www.lambdaliterary.org/interviews/08/16/low-fidelity-stephen-mccauley-on-the-myth-of-monogamy/comment-page-1/

In it, he says some things about monogamy that I cannot agree with. In fact, I found them offensive. Basically, he says no one is monogamous. I think that's ridiculous. I know for certain that all of my boyfriends have been faithful to me, and as long as one person in a relationship is faithful, I think that's the truest form of monogamy, so his point has no validity.

The other link is to a piece that ran about some charity he claims to be involved with and the fact that he only wears used clothes, as if that's something to publicize:

http://advocate.com/Print_Issue/Spectator/I_Advocate_Stephen_McCauley/

So my crisis is that my boyfriend (at the moment) called to tell me he had something very serious he wanted to talk about with me. Based on the tone of his voice, I assumed he was going to complain about the fact that I've been busy a lot lately and haven't had time to see him. So the more I thought about that, the more upset I got about the amount of time HE isn't available due to his "wife and kids." By the time he got to my apartment, I figured it would be easiest if I just got it off my chest before he had a chance to start with his problems. I told him I was tired of him never being able to meet me and going off on vacations with his "wife and kids" and spending so much time in couples counseling with his wife and having a college fund for his kids when he wouldn't agree to pay off my student loans.

He got really quiet and then he said that was all going to change since he was going to do what I had been telling him he SHOULD do and come out to his wife.

I really saw my whole life flash before my eyes. He even mentioned moving in with me, which I thought was a mean thing to say, like he was rubbing my face in the fact that he pays the rent for my place. The funny thing is, as soon as he said it, I really started to find him even more unattractive than I usually do. I realized that all of my boyfriends have been totally straight, and so the idea that he was now going to claim he was gay just confused me even more.

I told him I was going to have to think it over because really, I don't think divorce is ethical.

Posted by Stephen @ 10:59 PM EST

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sean Michael #14

So it’s true I haven’t posted anything here in a while, but I’ve been busy. Plus I really got stressed out by the yoga festival and the altitude, and I really needed to detox from the whole experience. I got into trouble because Steve actually looked at the bill from the hotel. To be honest, it’s not the kind of thing I thought he’d do. Not because he’s not cheap, but because he’s so disorganized. In a good way.

Anyway, I guess that without realizing it, I charged a lot of drinks to the room, and he kind of flipped out. There was a bar and restaurant on top of the mountain, and I ended up taking the cable car up there a lot because a) it was much better for tanning, b) there weren’t that many yoga people around, and c) there was an ice-skating rink up there. It’s was SO amazing to be able to ice skate outside in summer. It really put me in touch with the outdoors. They said something about my outfit, but I just told them it was my BATHING SUIT and what could they say?

The thing is, the cable car was terrifying. It looked like you were going to crash into the mountain at one point, and every time I got off, I really had to go to the bar first thing to drink until I stopped feeling so nervous and also hung over.

I went to San Francisco with Steve afterwards for a few days. He and his “partner” did a reading at a bookstore there. It was really an incredibly GREAT bookstore, and even though I don’t usually spend a lot of money in bookstores, I decided to stock up. They sell the poppers right at the cash register, which is really convenient.

Afterwards, we went out with a Very Famous San Francisco Novelist and his “husband.” The husband is apparently interested in older men. Since a few people have written in to accuse me of being “ageist,” I would just like to make it really clear that I am not. I have ALWAYS had boyfriends who are much older than me, whether I find them attractive or not. I really don’t discriminate in that way, as long as they are attracted to me. I think of myself as even being generous to older men, so however generous they are to me is only fair.

Aside from that, there was a lot of time sitting around the house that Steve and his “partner” and their friend rented. Steve played the ukulele a lot. The weird thing is, he seems very happy when he’s doing this, no matter what it sounds like. To be honest, I really think happiness is a good thing, but I don’t find it all that attractive on older people. I’m not saying I want them to be UNhappy, but happiness is like certain kinds of clothes that you really shouldn’t wear past a certain point. One of the things I actually DO like about “Dave,” my boyfriend (at the moment), is that he always seems somewhat depressed and a little angry when we’re together. I think this is a very masculine quality, and way more attractive than being happy.

In any case, I decided to try and get some work reading books on tape. I think I have a great voice for it, and I really do accents incredibly well. I have to audition later this week. They gave me something to rehearse by reading ahead of time, but it’s LONG and besides, I figure it would be best to be surprised by it so I can pretend to be interested more realistically.

Posted by Stephen @ 01:27 PM EST

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sean Michael #13

I will confess that I was initially a little skeptical about my job, but it turns out, I'm learning a lot from Steve. For example, I always assumed that even a marginally successful writer would be willing or able to pay for upgrades when flying. But guess what? Not true. My bf (at the moment) “Dave,” just owns an insurance company or something, and even he always springs for upgrades after I insist.

Actually, flying in coach wasn't as bad as I thought because while the plane was loading in Chicago, I went to the back and started chatting with one of the flight attendants, and he moved me up to first class.

The ride from Reno to Squaw Valley was really AMAZING, I have to say. I slept pretty much the whole way, which felt so good.

It turns out Steve rented a one-bedroom condo at the lodge. It’s not terrible. When he went to park the car, I put all of my stuff in the bedroom. It’s not that I really would have minded sleeping on the fold out, but the reality is that if one of us was going to need privacy, it most likely would be me, so it just seemed like the sensible arrangement.

One of the most interesting things about the whole yoga festival is that there are probably 3,000 people jammed in here and most of them are women, and it’s incredible that ALL of them apparently want to look like Stevie Nicks. Whatever. I'm not sure I ever got her.

As for the men, they’re either young with dirty beards and dreadlocks or older with "girlfriends" and very buff. Not with gym bodies, but with those naturally fit bodies I personally find creepy.

Anyway, Steve has been six hours of yoga a day because it’s so “relaxing.” What’s more relaxing is taking the cable car to the top of the mountain and sitting at the pool. Especially since the altitude increases the effects of alcohol. The really weird part was that when I was on top of the mountain and feeling connected to nature and whatever, I began to feel alone and started missing my friend Andy, because it would have been so much fun to be here with him so we could talk about everyone else.

But really, I don’t like to dwell on things, so I went to music festival part of the yoga thing, and it was pretty excellent. A lot of trance music. I met up with a couple of girls from Truckee last night and began to feel better. We totally bonded, especially after the Ecstasy.

Posted by Stephen @ 02:03 AM EST

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